Monday, March 19, 2012

"The Curse of the Fat Face" -Michael Arnzen


The kids called her fat face. And when she looked in the mirror, she saw they were right: her cheeks were as thick as thighs, her eyes pushed in plump like buttons pinching back the fabric of her overstuffed head.
She decided her face needed to diet. So she stopped feeding it attention.
She wore a scarf like a burka and hid behind sunglasses.
She avoided eye contact. Especially with mirrors.
She blinked. Often. She thought of this as a form of exercise, a way to melt away the cheek fat.
But mostly she just ground her teeth and did jaw exercises, which required many private conversations with herself at night, alone in a dark bedroom.
All this was much to the consternation of her mother, who listened intently at the door, trying unsuccessfully to make out the language.
Miraculously, the fat-faced girl  reached her goal in just three weeks.The kids began leaving her alone, targeting other people's faces. Perhaps this was because she had become sallow and pale and scary.
Soon, she found herself facially anorexic.  Her button eyes now sank inside her cheeks like peachpits in empty pie cans. Her complexion soon waned; the black rings around her eyes triplicated concentrically. And her fat face was still there after all; she discovered it had moved to different parts of her skull, as if the cellulite had displaced to places where she'd pay more attention to it. 
It now hung in hammocks of flab from her jawline and neck, like the dangly skin beneath an octogenarian's biceps. 
At least that's how the poor girl saw it.  In her mother's eyes, she was simply thin. 
A week later, her mother could take no more of her daughter's privacy and selfishness. She confronted her as she was gorging on Cosmo in the bathroom. The daughter confessed to spending sleepless nights with Vogue. She was bingeing on images of models between purges of attention, puking up pretty in ugly wet chunks. She knew she needed help and cried out to her mother.
But when they finally approached the hospital, racing in her mother's Cadillac, it was too late: mother went over a speed bump and her daughter's fat face fell right off the bone, sloughing down from her earlobes and chin and slurping into her lap before spilling on the floor of her mother's fine luxury car.
Before they covered her with a sheet, Mother thought she looked impeccable, like perfect teeth polished to the color of clean whitewall tires. When she returned home, she scooped her daughter's remaining skin off the floor mats and poured it into a shiny jar to place on her mantel. Everyone who visited was mesmerized by their reflection within its grotesque beauty.
Fat Face returned their gazes, feeding, pressing up against the glass a little more tightly with every passing day.




Song of the Day: 
(Bedroom Hymns - Florence & The Machine)


Sunday, March 18, 2012

Song of the Day: 
{{{{He Won't Go - Adele}}}}

Quote of the Day: 
"If you're having a hard time letting go, realize that if they wanted to stay, they'd still be there."

Question of the Day:
Why do we push people away when we realize they have real feelings for us and then we find out they are sick of trying we get sad because we realize the real feelings we have for them?


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Quote of the Day:
"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."

Song of the Day:

{{{Where I stood - Missy Higgins}}}

Drink of the Day:
Green Apple Jello Shots




























Randoms:



Wednesday, March 14, 2012

I was in my creative writing/contemporary fiction class Monday night, and I read a short story called "The Holy Night" which is about this 14 year old girl who loses her virginity to a 37 yr old man who is a serial killer who impregnates her and she has no idea because he lies about who he is and she becomes infatuated with him, and at the end of the story her and her friends are talking about what love is.


 One of the characters says, "Love is like a big piano coming down from a three story building and you're at the bottom waiting to catch it."


What does this mean to you??


I think of it as a big beautiful unexpected, fleeting emotion coming down on you and you don't know how hard its going to hit you .. like a feeling that overwhelms you or consumes you in its beauty. 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Travel Bucket List:

Places I want to travel to, sites I want to see

>Africa-- North, South, all around Africa
>South America
>Thailand
>Taj Mahal
>Dubai
>Great wall of China
>Sydney, Australia
>Grand Canyon
>Eiffel Tower
>St. Peters, Rome, Italy
>Santorini, Greece
>Iceland
>Bora, Bora Island
>Jamaica
>Saudi Arabia, Middle East
>Jordan, Middle East
>All of Central America


... to be continued 
Sounds of the Day:


Friday, March 9, 2012

California: 
Southern California: 
Los Angeles
-Beverly Hills
-Westwood
-Santa Monica
-West LA
-Mid City
-Sherman Oaks
-Studio City 
-Downtown

Nevada:
Las Vegas 

Mexico:
Cabo San Lucus
Mazatlan

Canada:
Vancouver

Washington:
Seattle

Missouri:
-St. Louis

Israel

Poland


Other than these places I haven't really traveled. I don't even know very much about Northern California other than the obvious stereotypes of speech (ie. "hella" "hecka").  I've experienced the most culture shock in St. Louis-- more so than leaving the country. 
I'm applying for Summer Research Programs, because that's what every good biologist does- gets experience in their field of focus to diversify their knowledge and make them a better candidate to the competitive world of Medical School.
I am applying to Duke University (Durham, North Carolina), University of Texas (Austin, Texas) Morehouse (Atlanta, Georgia), and New York University (New York, New York). 
While I'm already nervous about coming out of my comfort zone to participate in seminars and conferences, I'm also going to be immersing myself in a new culture for eight to ten weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited and if I get accepted I have no idea how I will choose, but its a crazy feeling to think that I will be living in North Carolina, or Texas for two whole months! I expect the environment to be so different from Santa Barbara or Beverly Hills..
Nonetheless, I am extremely excited and anticipating hearing back from the four universities! 
Wish me luck! 

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I know I'm supposed to have already moved on since we "officially" broke up two years ago.. and I have. I have gone on dates, gotten to know other people, and really tried to open my heart to other people without comparing them to you-- and I have. But I still love you and I can't help it. I'm not head over heels, skip a beat, heart down to my feet in love with you, but I love you and I want to end up with you. It's not that I want to be with you right now, but I love you-- and I want you to love me back.

 I'd prefer it over any other man that could take my breath away because I'm still only longing for you. I want you back, I wasn't ready to give you up then but you seemed so excited and ready for the change that I had to look like I was as strong as you. 

I wish it was easy to stop, to just make my hands and heart let go and tell them to rest before they latch on to the next guy that I compare to how perfect you are. It feels like something inside me has broken, and my heart has found a way to compensate for it; I know the person I was with you, and the feelings I felt for you will never really go away, but then my mind takes over and picks all the pieces up for me, and fixes it. And here I am, your best friend, loving you in that way. 


Monday, March 5, 2012



Song of the day:
 Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine 

Friday, March 2, 2012

"What is something you have that everyone wants?" she asked me
and immediately it blurted out of my mouth, "A family" I said.

Then I felt the need to explain. Because most people have a family associated by blood, parents that gave birth to them, and some with siblings and cousins. But I meant it differently. I meant MY FAMILY.

Everyone wants a support system that is always, and will always be there for them with open arms, security, safety, and guidance. Everyone wants parents that they can be open with, to communicate honestly with, and be loved in return unconditionally-- shamelessly with no fear. Everyone wants the two older sisters who mother, as much as they cover, who guide and say "I told you so" as much as they let you make your own mistakes-- and still are there to pick up the pieces after you fall to the ground.


And when I thought of unconditional love, I thought everyone also wants the best friend that I have. He's might-as-well be family. He is always there for me, he understands me, and loves me through all my quirks -- and even 6,000 miles away, he manages to be here for me through everything I go through, not forgetting the connection we've built the past 6 years. He's non-judgmental, endures my pain, and keeps his promises. He too, guides, supports and is my safety net, and those open arms are all anyone would need in hard times.