I haven't been feeling the inspiration to write lately and that's why I've been able to successfully procrastinate blogging. I have found a way to rewrite to-do lists incessantly, but haven't be able to write about love, sex, fashion, life or anything with substantial meaning in my life or the world.

Recently, I have done some reflection-- self reflection and a grand, more vague reflection of my life and its changes and happenings in the last year. I've realized that I've experienced some great, exhilarating, life-changing, heart warming, heart wrenching moments -- each tied with its own life lesson.

Today is about my realizations, lessons and beliefs as of right now.

Although I never personally believed that we can fall in love at first sight, I believed it was a possible phenomena for others.. I realized that I don't believe in love at first sight--for anyone anymore.  I realized that what I do believe is that very seldom in your life, if you're lucky, you meet someone who is exactly right for you.  Not because he was perfect or because you were but because your flaws together, combined to allow two separate individuals to fall off an edge into a sea of emotion together.

I realized the best medicine for the soul.. along with love, happiness, and companionship is acceptance. Especially for those who pace back and forth thinking "what should I do"-- it is sometimes relieving to give in to the idea that the only thing to do, is to ACCEPT that there is nothing you can do other than that. To truly accept that you are where you are supposed to be and everything "happening to you" is only what you're supposed to be living through. --Yes, you're supposed to accept that you can't financially afford the Ivy League and you must settle for a private university instead. Yes, you are supposed to endure and accept that the person you love, only once loved you and has moved on now. Yes, with acceptance, you are supposed to come to terms and be at peace with the fact that your best friend pursued an intimate and romantic relationship with your most recent "man-of-choice." And you are supposed to do this with grace, and patience allowing the energy of the world to put things in the right place for you.

I realized that nobody actually cares. Nobody actually gives you're life a second thought unless there is something in it for themselves, which naturally means that they are just caring for themselves. That doesn't mean you grow resentful of the world or stop genuinely caring for others-- it just means that you have to care for yourself first and rely on others second-- or third.

I realized that although most words aren't permanent and you can take them back, actions are more concrete and they typically can't be forgiven. They can never be re-explained with the same detail, precision and accuracy as when and how they actually occurred, and the apology that follows the pain doesn't typically heal you-- again, that's where the acceptance heals you-- well acceptance and time.

I realized that even though we meet people and change their lives during a period of eight years, and even though we believe we mattered for a certain period of time, it all becomes blurry. Yes, the moments and the memories still exist--vaguely, but the words and feelings become blurry-- which makes it a lot easier for someone else to step right in, and refine those memories in a whole new light. So I've realized that we can't merely exist and THINK we are changing people's lives, we need to actually change our own lives in that process and hold on to what we've done for ourselves not for others.

Quote of the Day:
"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

Song of the Day:
[[Good Riddance (Time of your life) - Green Day]]

Drink of the Day:
Starbucks' Fall flavors are backk.. bet all you betches love this!! [Pumpkin Spice latte]

Shoutout of the Day: 
Happy Birthday to my oldest sister, who is 35 today and on the way to finally being a mommy!! With a 15 year age difference she has mothered me, nurtured me, looked out for me, and always found a way to be there for me through all the experiences in my life and I want to thank her for that. She has a warm heart and an incredibly forgiving soul that should never go without appreciation. This day is all about you, big sis! Happy Birthday! Wish you nothing but the best<3