Double Standards

Why is it that I'm called a slut for hooking up with more than five guys in my lifetime, but you?- you should have hooked up with more than five girls by your junior year.

Why is that I'm considered lucky if you text me more than twice a week, but if I text you at all I'm considered clingy?

Why is it that if I hook up with your best friend I'm a slut, and your friend isn't "in the wrong", but if you hook up with mine, I can't be angry with you because it was my "friend's choice"

Why is it completely normal for a guy to touch his genitalia in public, but frowned upon when a girl has a little itch?

Why am I considered an un-loyal girlfriend if I have male friends, but when it comes to you and your female friends, I'm suddenly crazy, jealous, and possessive.

Why do you find a flaw in every other guy after you, but I must be supportive of every girl you move on to?

Why is it that when we play "hard to get" we are playing games, but when we're easy, we're just a "piece of ass"?

Why is it okay for you to judge me before you really know me, but when I pass judgments about you- I'm considered too analytical, and again, crazy!

Why is it that when I'm quiet or shy.. I'm uptight, but when you're quiet, thats all there is to it?

Why is it that you always lie about your past, as if I don't have one and I am incapable of understanding.

Why is it that if I don't dress in skimpy clothes you can't see through to my sex appeal?

Why is it such a far-fetched idea to take things slow, and get to know each other before you jump my bones?

Why can't I be open about my sexual urges-why is that slutty? is it unnatural for me to want sex? but when it comes to you, I have to listen to you go on and on about every possible thing your dick, mouth and fingers are capable of performing?

Why is it dirty if I smoke a cigarette, but completely acceptable and semi-attractive when you smoke one?

Why do I have to be able to listen to all the girls you want to devour, but when it comes to me and guys, its suddenly gross and too hurtful to listen to?

Why are you able to bring up sex topics but when I bring it up, I'm crossing "boundaries" -- that never even existed in the first place?

Quote of the Day

"Love is just a chemical, no matter the origin.  We give it meaning by choice."

My Bucket List

1. Learn how to ride a bike.
2. Learn how to ride a stick shift car
3. Learn how to speak, read, and write Persian, Hebrew, Arabic, French, German, Italian, and Spanish --fluently.
4. Go sky diving.
5. Go Bungee jumping.
6. Run a mile in under 6 minutes
7. Go para-sailing
8. Go water skiing
9. Learn how to ski and snowboard.. more than just on the bunny slopes!
10. Learn how to skateboard.
11. Get married.
12. Have five children.
13. Travel South America
14. Travel Central America
15. Travel all of the US-- even the midwest
16. Have sex on a plane and on the beach.
17. Travel through Africa, help the unfortunate and go on safaris
18. Study abroad
19. Travel through the Middle East
20. Travel through all of Europe
21. Write and publish a piece of writing.
22. Make my diaries into a book.
23. Fall in love.. again.
24. Go Camping in the nature
25. Go Paint-balling
26. Skinny Dipping
27. Take a road trip
28. Meet Usher, Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johanson, Pink, The Olsen Twins, Chaning Tatum
29. Open up my own medical practice, and clinic.
30. Train and Run a marathon for a good cause.
31. Live in New York.
32. Ride a camel.
33. Ride an elephant
34. Go to a Zoo- anyy zoo
35. Come in close contact to a monkey
36. Stay out all night.
37. Create a photography portfolio
38. Direct and Produce a documentary
39. Be a matchmaker for at least 3 couples
40. Watch all of Alfred Hitchcock's movies.
41. Own and watch all seasons and episodes of the following:
       Boy Meets World
       Californication
       Friends
       One Tree Hill
       The Original Beverly Hills 90210
       Sex and the City
42. Donate my hair
43. Donate blood.
44. Remove every picture that I own on a electronic device(phone, computer, camera, flash drive) and print out hard copies
45. Create scrapbooks of my life from beginning to end and my childrens' lives.
46. Attend a SuperBowl Game
47. Go Rock climbing

There's nothing like snuggling in bed, watching an old episode of Friends, and drinking a hot cup of cocoa on a rainy day.

"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too."--Lemony Snicket

" I have fallen in love with the highest potential of a man, rather than the man himself. "

Quote of the Day

Love is handing your heart to someone and taking the risk that they will hand it back because they don’t want it. That’s why it’s such a crushing ache on the inside. We gave away a part of ourselves and it wasn’t wanted.

Love is a giving away of power. When we love we give the other person the power in the relationship. They can do what they choose. They can do what they like with our love. They can reject it, they can accept it, they can step toward us in gratitude and appreciation.

Love is a giving away. When we love we put ourselves out there, we expose ourselves, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Love is giving up control. It’s surrendering the desire to control the other person. The two - love and controlling power over the other person - are mutually exclusive. If we are serious about loving someone, we have to surrender all of the desires within us to manipulate the relationship.

Sunday Mornings

Sunday Morning rain is falling

Steal some covers, share some skin....

They're heart wrenching and unbelievably confusing.

They open your heart and close your mind.

She wakes up going over every moment of the night before, what he said, how he said it, 

how it felt when he kissed her, and the way he looked at her.

She wakes up to the sight of him still sleeping, and this overwhelming joy takes over, 

he looks adorable, so at peace. Almost sexy.

She tries to make sense of the fling and she begins to question everything.

She twists to fit the mold that he is in, and falls sound asleep in his arms.

He wakes up in the middle of the night to make sure the blanket 

is keeping her perfectly warm, she get a smile and a kiss, 

and back to sleep he goes.

But what are they doing? Why does he care so much, if its "just a fling"

Was it really just a fling, just a Saturday Night crash, or was there more to it?

Was she good enough? Did she try to hard? Was it too soon?

What does he think of her? Is she a pretty sleeper?

When will they talk again?

From one week to the next, she falls deeper and deeper.

Wishing more and more every time that he might fall at all.

It takes over the mind and closes out all other possible thoughts.

That awkward morning conversation, where there is nothing to say.

That "bye," where she wonders whether a kiss is appropriate or not

Sunday Mornings, the least talked about moment, the most thought out.

Sunday Mornings. Heart wrenching. Confusing.

Destructive

Through my experiences, I have learned that Life isn't about finding yourself, 

Life is about creating yourself.. you're in control, and you've always been.

No, Life cannot be understood flat on a page.  It has to be Lived, a person has to get out of his head, 

has to faLL in Love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in

 an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breathe.

We get one story, you and I, and one story alone.

" A grownup is a child with layers on."-Woody Harrelson

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. 

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Howard Thurman

"Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, 

to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, 

to those who still love even though they've been hurt." 

Quote Of The Day

"Some Days You'LL FeeL Sad Without Knowing ExactLy Why.. Like You Lost Something Very Precious, But You Forgot What It Was.. Or Like You Miss Someone You Never Met."

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

- author unknown

Pretty in PINK

  Are we as pretty on the inside, as we appear on the outside?
I'm heading out on a Saturday night, surrounded by my best girls. Chanel handbag. Loubitin Pumps. MAC makeup <<< the vital accessories for any common night out, right?
But what did I do all day? I made sure to start my day off with a dose of Adderrall- "Good thing I got that out of the way.. now I don't have to eat. Its all good though- I have a prescription. Nothing to worry about" I thought, justifying it as I took it down with my Evian water. 
Does that make me pretty on the inside? or does that mean that I am "Pretty in Pink"- pretty in everything I shower myself with to look somewhat perfect on the outside?
When did self-help get re-defined as using every form of unauthentic materials, chemicals, and substances to perfect our appearance on the outside, to perfect what people see us as versus what we think of ourselves? 
When did it become okay to rate someone based on how expensive their shoes are and the car they drive rather than if they are truly good people?
I then proceeded to get in my black Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon, munching on a Luna Bar on my way to a business meeting and then off to my trainer. 
Still got home took a good look at myself in the mirror for what felt to be fifteen minutes- in reality it was over an hour. Looking at who I am. 

When did the question "Who am I" get answered with the size of my jeans, my bra size, how tight my butt is and how soft my skin is?

On my way, I ran into Emily, an old friend who didn't make it to Beverly Hills as planned. I said, "Well hello gorgeous, I haven't seen you in the longest! You're dress is ravishing. you look absolutely great. Hope you're doing well, gotta run" as I was thinking, "Oh this old worn out dress from H&M.. no wonder she didn't make it to move to Beverly Hills- she has never been good for us. I must make it short I don't want people to see me talking to her, what an embarrassment."
I looked- I spent another thirty minutes looking even harder.. analyzing, and examining every inch of my body. From my eyebrows, to my crows-feet, to my bust size and my legs- I looked and after years of watching what I eat.. to then not eating.. to working out over 10 hours a week..I still wasn't good enough. 
I am coming to realize.. I am good enough for the whole world, excluding myself. I am my own worst critic, and my values have changed.
I'm not truly pretty if I take three hours out of my day to go sit at Coffee Bean with a girlfriend and gossip about our third-wheeler. That makes me UGLY on the INSIDE. 
Smoking my cigarettes, taking that Adderall, diet pills, green tea, self-doubt, gossip.. those habits make me ugly on the inside.. my YSL pumps and G-wagon just help my cover. making me feel "Pretty in Pink"
Why have our values changed? Do we put enough energy in our effort to be perfect on the inside, or do we strive much more persistently to make the person we appear to be, perfect?
If I am not remotely close to pretty on the inside, I can't analyze myself in the mirror and expect to find anything remotely near perfection.